Christ-commons_&_

“How seldom is it that the soul keeps itself 
silent enough for God to speak.”
– William Buckhouse & James Janson

Spiritual Direction is a process through which we become more deeply attuned to our relationship with the Divine.  Through conversation with a spiritual director in an atmosphere of trust, a person comes to a deeper awareness of the presence and movement of God in everyday life.  As we share our dreams, struggles, triumphs and fears, we open to our deepest and wisest source of freedom and joy.  A spiritual director helps a person notice, savor, and respond to the movement of the Divine in the spiritual practice of ordinary life.  The Director is a listening and supportive person who creates an envi ron ment where one can look honestly at his or her relationship with the Sacred.

The primary relationship is between the directee and God, with the director acting as a focusing lens on the primary relationship. Meetings therefore typically occur once every 3-4 weeks although they may occur more frequently in crisis periods. Because an objective of spiritual direction is to facilitate awakening of the directee to conscious relationship with God, development of ongoing spiritual practice is very much part of the process. The ways in which this happens are a discernment issue since God meets each individual uniquely and includes “listening for/watching for” the movement of the Spirit and counter movements of resistance in the deepening relationship.

The full range of human experience, historical as well as present, is the province of God and therefore of direction.  A core assumption of the process is that God lives at the deepest levels of human experience, so there is no need to focus on explicitly “religious” topics as if spirituality was a separate compartment of our being. The stance in relation to the material that presents itself is what makes spiritual direction distinctive: the posture of the director and the directee together is to listen contemplatively for the “God moment” or “God seed” present in the experience that the individual might receive it consciously and savor it.  If there’s a real sensitivity to the holy the director doesn’t have to ask, “Where’s God in all this?” but can simply be with the person as a midwife to the felt reality of God emerging into consciousness. The person names it his/herself as s/he is able.

Spiritual direction is not the same as therapy or counseling.  While at first glance counseling and spiritual direction may seem similar, It is important to recognize some of the distinctions.

1.  Spiritual Direction assumes relative emotional and psychological health whereas therapy assumes issues to be worked through.

2.  Spiritual Directors will share from their own life experience and sojourn whereas Counselors guard against such disclose.

3.  In Spiritual Direction the goal is to  learn to dance with God, hearing God’s voice and seeing God’s activity in the directee’s life whereas the goal of therapy is to regain health so as to function productively as a member of society.

4.  Most Spiritual Directors are not not licensed and trained counselors, nor do they claim to be therapists.  Though at times, I will work with a person who is seeing a counselor while they are seeking spiritual direction.

One of the goals of spiritual direction is the “surrender” of the self, while fostering a growing awareness of one’s definitions of success, purpose, and fulfillment.  As with seeds in a garden, death leads to new plant life, so the ultimate goal is to grow up into a self in Christ, and this is a life-long journey. The path while ch ron icled is also very individual in style and timing.  Beginning to see a good and active God in one’s life and then to see oneself through “God eyes” - eyes of love and grace - are the essential beginning steps that can help make the journey into one’s “death” one day possible.

“God moves mountains of rivers of tears.”
– James Hisey II

peace, dwight

“To listen a soul into disclosure and discovery

is the greatest service one human being can do for another.”

– Quaker Saying

The Celts called it anam cara or soul friend and is most commonly referred to as Spiritual Direction.

·         If you find yourself longing for a greater sense of God in your life;

·         Recovering from a legalistic/fundamentalist experience of God or religion;

·         Desirous of making spirituality a deeply life-giving part of your experience — a sustained source of meaning; or

·         Wanting your spirituality to be both joyful and compassionate, community-oriented and deeply liberating, mystical and intellectually honest, mentally stimulating and body-positive, creative and respectful of tradition;

Then you may find meaning and purpose by exploring Spiritual Direction.

Peace, dwight

“The imagination plays a great role in the 
spiritual development of the soul.”
–
St. John of the Cross

Do you wish to form an intentional relationship with a person who could provide mentoring, support, and challenge for you as you nurture a life of dependence on Christ? If so, you may wish to find a spiritual director, or a soul friend.

Spiritual direction is a gift from God.  Both lay people and clergy can make excellent soul friends. Keeping an open mind about your director is wise. You may be surprised at the kind of person who makes the “best” soul friend for you.

To find a spiritual director:

1. Pray about it. Seek Divine guidance. Trust that God will lead you to the person who is right for you.

2. Ask close friends you trust or maybe your pastor.  A strong referral from a trusted friend goes a long way.  Sometimes friends and clergy will know about persons who are gifted in the art of sharing the life of Christ-dependence.

NOTE: The life of serious, intentional dependence on Christ is intimate. For this reason, use discretion when talking about spirituality, especially with casual friends. Many people find the topic of prayer unsettling or embarrassing — so, out of respect for such persons, be wise when discussing your prayer life, especially in casual conversation.

3. Email ( Direction@DwightFriesen.com ) or call ( 206.276.3992 ) me and we can discuss Spiritual Direction on a more personal level.  And see if we might be a fit for this time in your life.

* * * * * * *

While being accountable to spiritual director greatly benefits a disciplined prayer life, that relationship alone cannot accomplish everything. In addition to a spiritual director, the person who is serious about the life of prayer needs to formulate a rule. This may be done in consultation with a director, or by oneself.

“A true artist always puts something of his time in his art, and also his soul.”
– Auguste Rodin

One temptation concerning spirituality involves separating it from the “rest” of your life, relegating it only to religious, or mystical experiences.

Christian spiritual direction takes a much humbler stance regarding the life of faith. To be in a relationship with God is not necessarily about extraordinary states of consciousness or miraculous events — although, quite frankly, any person who opens up to the life of the Spirit may expect some interesting or unusual experiences, since spirituality invites us out of our ordinary ways of thinking and perceiving. But the spiritual life is much more likely to transform us in small, undramatic (if that is a word) ways over time, than to clobber us with mystical experiences of Cecil B. DeMille proportions.

Another common misperception of spirituality is to view it as a form of therapy. Spirituality equals mastery, according to this line of thought — to be spiritual is to move toward having all one’s financial, romantic, sexual, and health-related woes vanquished under the power of psychic attainment. Once again, while the spiritual life does promise us the fulfillment of our heart’s deepest desire, it does not promise mastery, or attainment, or any other form of self-aggrandizement or self-indulgence.

What does spirituality entail? 

Quite simply, it entails fostering an on-going relationship with God. Spirituality may never lead you to see a vision of heaven or to practice extraordinary psychic powers, but it does offer you an on-going, deeply loving relationship with the Creator of all things. That, in my opinion, is the better choice!

If spirituality involves relationship, then like any other relationship — marriage, business partnership, membership in a community — boundaries and ground rules are necessary to support the relationship’s smooth functioning. Every relationship needs to be established on agreements between the parties involved, and spirituality is no exception. In the Bible, God is said to create covenants with God’s people. These covenants are the basic agreements that form the foundation of the relationship. By the time of the New Testament, the basic covenant between God and humanity ran basically along these lines: 

·         God created us and loves us unconditionally.

·         God gives us the freedom to choose.

·         God does not “rescue” us — if we choose poorly, we face the consequences.

·         When we realize we have chosen poorly, and are willing to choose better, God lovingly forgives us and helps us in our efforts to grow.

·         The sign of this covenant, Christ’s death and resurrection, expresses that God loves us dearly enough to die for us, and that death, carries with it the promise of resurrection and new life.

A covenant exists between God and God’s community, but what kind of agreements define a relationship between God and individuals? This is where the rule of life plays an important role. The idea of a rule developed in the monastic communities of Christianity — and indeed, monasteries and convents today still function under a rule. The most famous rule was written by St. Benedict in the early years of monasticism. Many other rules have been written over the centuries, often as adaptations of earlier rules.

The monastic rule still governs the life of a community, but it provides the model for an individual rule. Basically, an individual rule consists of a set of established agreements made by the individual as promises to God regarding spiritual practice. A person can adopt an existing rule (many monastic communities have rules written for individual use by persons living in “the world”), or one can write his or her own rule, especially with the cooperation of a spiritual director.

Since a rule defines one’s relationship with God, and since God is interested in every aspect of our lives, a spiritual rule might include promises made regarding any area of one’s life. Here are some examples of promises that can be useful in a rule:

·         A commitment to a block-time of prayer each day.

·         A commitment to give away a percentage of one’s income for spiritual or charitable purposes.

·         A commitment to exercise, eat properly, and get appropriate rest.

·         A commitment to rest and worship.

·         A commitment to be loving and attentive to members of one’s family.

·         A commitment to work for peace and social justice.

·         A commitment to active involvement in a faith community.

·         A commitment to sitting under Sacred/theological/mystical texts.

A rule is meant to be a spur to growth. Think of the rule as being similar to a stake used to hold up a tomato plant. By providing structure and support to the plant, it enables the plant to grow quickly and healthily. In a similar way, a rule of life provides structure and support not only to our prayer life, but indeed to every aspect of life, enabling us to grow into the persons God wants us to be. Because of this, a rule works best when it is a moderate challenge to us. A rule that we always keep flawlessly is not effective — it’s like a fifth grader solving third grade problems. On the other hand, a rule that is so demanding that we have difficulty even meeting it’s minimum standards is likely to discourage us, and therefore defeats its own purpose. The rule is not a tool to make us feel good or feel bad — it’s a tool to help an individual grow in spiritual maturity.

If you would like to adopt a rule of life to provide structure to your own spiritual journey, a good first step to take is to find a soul friend or spiritual director who can help you create a realistic rule for yourself. Remember, the main purpose of a rule is to form a “partnership” with God — to open our minds and hearts to the inrushing love of the uncreated source of life!

peace, dwight

• Do NOT waste a spiritual director’s time unless you are serious about praying daily and meeting regularly (say, once a month) with the director. If you resist such a discipline, a few meetings with a gifted director may help clarify your resistance. Your discipline does not have to be perfect, but your intention must be mature, before spiritual direction will be useful to you.
• Do NOT use a spiritual director as a therapist. The spiritual director is trained in the life of prayer, and may or may not have training in areas of counseling and psychology. An effective spiritual director will refer you to a therapist if your concerns are more psychological than theological. A good rule of thumb: therapy seeks greater personal satisfaction and effectiveness in life; spiritual direction seeks greater union with God — an objective which carries no guarantee of “satisfaction” or “effectiveness.”
  
• Do NOT seek spiritual direction from a spouse, family member, or close friend. Most often a person is too close to persons in these categories for meaningful direction.
• DO state your expectations and concerns about spirituality up f
  ront. Strive to be honest with the director. Remember, your relationship is with God; the director is simply there as a resource person.
• DO make sure you and the director communicate clearly about frequency and duration of meetings, length of time until you evaluate the relationship (I recommend evaluating the spiritual direction relationship every six months), and payment issues. Many directors give this ministry freely, while others charge a fee per visit. Clarify this point.
• DO change directors when appropriate (as a courtesy, direction relationships should only end at agreed-upon times, such as the end of six months). Trust your inner wisdom when a director does not seem to work for you.

peace, dwight