Christ-commons_&_

“How seldom is it that the soul keeps itself 
silent enough for God to speak.”
– William Buckhouse & James Janson

Spiritual Direction is a process through which we become more deeply attuned to our relationship with the Divine.  Through conversation with a spiritual director in an atmosphere of trust, a person comes to a deeper awareness of the presence and movement of God in everyday life.  As we share our dreams, struggles, triumphs and fears, we open to our deepest and wisest source of freedom and joy.  A spiritual director helps a person notice, savor, and respond to the movement of the Divine in the spiritual practice of ordinary life.  The Director is a listening and supportive person who creates an envi ron ment where one can look honestly at his or her relationship with the Sacred.

The primary relationship is between the directee and God, with the director acting as a focusing lens on the primary relationship. Meetings therefore typically occur once every 3-4 weeks although they may occur more frequently in crisis periods. Because an objective of spiritual direction is to facilitate awakening of the directee to conscious relationship with God, development of ongoing spiritual practice is very much part of the process. The ways in which this happens are a discernment issue since God meets each individual uniquely and includes “listening for/watching for” the movement of the Spirit and counter movements of resistance in the deepening relationship.

The full range of human experience, historical as well as present, is the province of God and therefore of direction.  A core assumption of the process is that God lives at the deepest levels of human experience, so there is no need to focus on explicitly “religious” topics as if spirituality was a separate compartment of our being. The stance in relation to the material that presents itself is what makes spiritual direction distinctive: the posture of the director and the directee together is to listen contemplatively for the “God moment” or “God seed” present in the experience that the individual might receive it consciously and savor it.  If there’s a real sensitivity to the holy the director doesn’t have to ask, “Where’s God in all this?” but can simply be with the person as a midwife to the felt reality of God emerging into consciousness. The person names it his/herself as s/he is able.

Spiritual direction is not the same as therapy or counseling.  While at first glance counseling and spiritual direction may seem similar, It is important to recognize some of the distinctions.

1.  Spiritual Direction assumes relative emotional and psychological health whereas therapy assumes issues to be worked through.

2.  Spiritual Directors will share from their own life experience and sojourn whereas Counselors guard against such disclose.

3.  In Spiritual Direction the goal is to  learn to dance with God, hearing God’s voice and seeing God’s activity in the directee’s life whereas the goal of therapy is to regain health so as to function productively as a member of society.

4.  Most Spiritual Directors are not not licensed and trained counselors, nor do they claim to be therapists.  Though at times, I will work with a person who is seeing a counselor while they are seeking spiritual direction.

One of the goals of spiritual direction is the “surrender” of the self, while fostering a growing awareness of one’s definitions of success, purpose, and fulfillment.  As with seeds in a garden, death leads to new plant life, so the ultimate goal is to grow up into a self in Christ, and this is a life-long journey. The path while ch ron icled is also very individual in style and timing.  Beginning to see a good and active God in one’s life and then to see oneself through “God eyes” - eyes of love and grace - are the essential beginning steps that can help make the journey into one’s “death” one day possible.

“God moves mountains of rivers of tears.”
– James Hisey II

peace, dwight

“To listen a soul into disclosure and discovery

is the greatest service one human being can do for another.”

– Quaker Saying

The Celts called it anam cara or soul friend and is most commonly referred to as Spiritual Direction.

·         If you find yourself longing for a greater sense of God in your life;

·         Recovering from a legalistic/fundamentalist experience of God or religion;

·         Desirous of making spirituality a deeply life-giving part of your experience — a sustained source of meaning; or

·         Wanting your spirituality to be both joyful and compassionate, community-oriented and deeply liberating, mystical and intellectually honest, mentally stimulating and body-positive, creative and respectful of tradition;

Then you may find meaning and purpose by exploring Spiritual Direction.

Peace, dwight

“The imagination plays a great role in the 
spiritual development of the soul.”
–
St. John of the Cross

Do you wish to form an intentional relationship with a person who could provide mentoring, support, and challenge for you as you nurture a life of dependence on Christ? If so, you may wish to find a spiritual director, or a soul friend.

Spiritual direction is a gift from God.  Both lay people and clergy can make excellent soul friends. Keeping an open mind about your director is wise. You may be surprised at the kind of person who makes the “best” soul friend for you.

To find a spiritual director:

1. Pray about it. Seek Divine guidance. Trust that God will lead you to the person who is right for you.

2. Ask close friends you trust or maybe your pastor.  A strong referral from a trusted friend goes a long way.  Sometimes friends and clergy will know about persons who are gifted in the art of sharing the life of Christ-dependence.

NOTE: The life of serious, intentional dependence on Christ is intimate. For this reason, use discretion when talking about spirituality, especially with casual friends. Many people find the topic of prayer unsettling or embarrassing — so, out of respect for such persons, be wise when discussing your prayer life, especially in casual conversation.

3. Email ( Direction@DwightFriesen.com ) or call ( 206.276.3992 ) me and we can discuss Spiritual Direction on a more personal level.  And see if we might be a fit for this time in your life.

* * * * * * *

While being accountable to spiritual director greatly benefits a disciplined prayer life, that relationship alone cannot accomplish everything. In addition to a spiritual director, the person who is serious about the life of prayer needs to formulate a rule. This may be done in consultation with a director, or by oneself.

“A true artist always puts something of his time in his art, and also his soul.”
– Auguste Rodin

One temptation concerning spirituality involves separating it from the “rest” of your life, relegating it only to religious, or mystical experiences.

Christian spiritual direction takes a much humbler stance regarding the life of faith. To be in a relationship with God is not necessarily about extraordinary states of consciousness or miraculous events — although, quite frankly, any person who opens up to the life of the Spirit may expect some interesting or unusual experiences, since spirituality invites us out of our ordinary ways of thinking and perceiving. But the spiritual life is much more likely to transform us in small, undramatic (if that is a word) ways over time, than to clobber us with mystical experiences of Cecil B. DeMille proportions.

Another common misperception of spirituality is to view it as a form of therapy. Spirituality equals mastery, according to this line of thought — to be spiritual is to move toward having all one’s financial, romantic, sexual, and health-related woes vanquished under the power of psychic attainment. Once again, while the spiritual life does promise us the fulfillment of our heart’s deepest desire, it does not promise mastery, or attainment, or any other form of self-aggrandizement or self-indulgence.

What does spirituality entail? 

Quite simply, it entails fostering an on-going relationship with God. Spirituality may never lead you to see a vision of heaven or to practice extraordinary psychic powers, but it does offer you an on-going, deeply loving relationship with the Creator of all things. That, in my opinion, is the better choice!

If spirituality involves relationship, then like any other relationship — marriage, business partnership, membership in a community — boundaries and ground rules are necessary to support the relationship’s smooth functioning. Every relationship needs to be established on agreements between the parties involved, and spirituality is no exception. In the Bible, God is said to create covenants with God’s people. These covenants are the basic agreements that form the foundation of the relationship. By the time of the New Testament, the basic covenant between God and humanity ran basically along these lines: 

·         God created us and loves us unconditionally.

·         God gives us the freedom to choose.

·         God does not “rescue” us — if we choose poorly, we face the consequences.

·         When we realize we have chosen poorly, and are willing to choose better, God lovingly forgives us and helps us in our efforts to grow.

·         The sign of this covenant, Christ’s death and resurrection, expresses that God loves us dearly enough to die for us, and that death, carries with it the promise of resurrection and new life.

A covenant exists between God and God’s community, but what kind of agreements define a relationship between God and individuals? This is where the rule of life plays an important role. The idea of a rule developed in the monastic communities of Christianity — and indeed, monasteries and convents today still function under a rule. The most famous rule was written by St. Benedict in the early years of monasticism. Many other rules have been written over the centuries, often as adaptations of earlier rules.

The monastic rule still governs the life of a community, but it provides the model for an individual rule. Basically, an individual rule consists of a set of established agreements made by the individual as promises to God regarding spiritual practice. A person can adopt an existing rule (many monastic communities have rules written for individual use by persons living in “the world”), or one can write his or her own rule, especially with the cooperation of a spiritual director.

Since a rule defines one’s relationship with God, and since God is interested in every aspect of our lives, a spiritual rule might include promises made regarding any area of one’s life. Here are some examples of promises that can be useful in a rule:

·         A commitment to a block-time of prayer each day.

·         A commitment to give away a percentage of one’s income for spiritual or charitable purposes.

·         A commitment to exercise, eat properly, and get appropriate rest.

·         A commitment to rest and worship.

·         A commitment to be loving and attentive to members of one’s family.

·         A commitment to work for peace and social justice.

·         A commitment to active involvement in a faith community.

·         A commitment to sitting under Sacred/theological/mystical texts.

A rule is meant to be a spur to growth. Think of the rule as being similar to a stake used to hold up a tomato plant. By providing structure and support to the plant, it enables the plant to grow quickly and healthily. In a similar way, a rule of life provides structure and support not only to our prayer life, but indeed to every aspect of life, enabling us to grow into the persons God wants us to be. Because of this, a rule works best when it is a moderate challenge to us. A rule that we always keep flawlessly is not effective — it’s like a fifth grader solving third grade problems. On the other hand, a rule that is so demanding that we have difficulty even meeting it’s minimum standards is likely to discourage us, and therefore defeats its own purpose. The rule is not a tool to make us feel good or feel bad — it’s a tool to help an individual grow in spiritual maturity.

If you would like to adopt a rule of life to provide structure to your own spiritual journey, a good first step to take is to find a soul friend or spiritual director who can help you create a realistic rule for yourself. Remember, the main purpose of a rule is to form a “partnership” with God — to open our minds and hearts to the inrushing love of the uncreated source of life!

peace, dwight

“Nobody sees a flower - really - 

it is so small - and to see takes time 

like having a friend takes time.”

– Georgia O’Keefe

Many contradictory images of the Sacred exist in our culture, presenting many possible faces of God to the world.  Some, like the Jehovah’s Witnesses, stand silently holding up their Watchtower magazines in the hope that you’ll be interested. Others carry signs or wear placards, filled with homespun theology in hand lettering. And then there are the screamers. Sometimes with an open Bible in their hands, at other times with nothing more than an accusing finger pointed at the passersby, the screaming evangelists holler at the people on the sidewalk about hell and damnation and the certainty of the wrath of God. And even though no one seems to notice, I always wonder what kind of subconscious imprinting we are all getting about the idea that God is wrathful and enraged.

It’s not just the sidewalk preachers. Televangelists, authors, pastors, revival leaders, and many other figures in our world seem to emphasize God’s fury and anger. Especially in the south where the combination of poverty and conservative evangelicalism has created a grim world here and a more grim world to come, the possibility of God as unloving seems all too real.

Of course, the wrathful God is by no means the only image of God we have. Jesus spoke lovingly of God as ‘daddy,’ the adoring parent who yearns to give good things to his children. Julian of Norwich rounded out that image by proclaiming the motherhood of the Sacred in a book filled with poetic insights into the nature of Divine love. The New Testament author who wrote the Letters of John said it most simply: “God is Love.” (First John 4).

I am convinced that we can choose which image of God, and which theology — in other words, which way of talking about God — seems the most true and right to us. To choose the wrathful and angry God is to choose a world where obedience and placating are the supreme virtues, where the job of human beings is to be docile and submissive. Unfortunately, such a choice not only is psychologically crippling to individuals, but it also creates the kind of world where the abuse of power can take place, whether the abuser is a despotic political leader, a money-hungry pastor, or a controlling parent. I find it hard to believe that a good God would want to relate to us in such a life-diminishing way.

The other choice is to believe in the love of God, despite the haranguings of conservative religion and despite the fears and anxieties that sometimes overwhelm life. To choose belief in a loving God is to choose a world where intimacy and celebration are the supreme virtues, where the purpose of human life is to live fully, creatively, and compassionately. This choice is psychologically liberating, for a loving God is a God who celebrates our ability to make wise choices (even if God does not “let us off the hook” when we make poor choices — another sign of love, incidentally!). Furthermore, if God loves me and you, then God loves all people, which means that a loving God is a God who takes a radical stand for peacemaking, nonviolence, social and economic justice, and dignity for all persons, regardless of race, gender, creed, or sexual orientation.

So how can I be sure God loves me? Choose to encounter the Divine Love, and you will soon be overwhelmed by the evidence of Him in your life. You’ll see the love of God in the sunrise and the sunset, in the eyes of babies and old people and homeless people and loved ones, in the playfulness of children and pets and the seriousness of people everywhere trying to make a better world. Say “I believe in the love of God” today, and every day, and soon the day will come when you wonder how you ever could have doubted!

Last of all… the surest way to find the love of God is to choose to love God. Give your heart to the source of love and light at the center of all things. Give your ability to love to the silent presence who watches you and accepts you no matter how “good” or “bad” you are. Open yourself up to the mystery of existence that extends before birth and beyond death. Relationships, after all, are mutual matters, and to the extent I open myself up to love God, to that same extent I open myself to receive Divine love. As Meister Eckhart said, “The eye with which I see God is the eye with which God sees me.”  What goes for the eye goes for the heart.

The heart with which I love God is the heart with which God loves me.

peace, dwight

“Everything in God’s store is on the bottom shelf - 

you have to get on your knees to get it.”

– Robert Collier

Anyone who has explored contemplative prayer or any other practice of intentional silence knows — or will soon know — about distractions. In the spirituality of silence, a distraction is any thought or image that enters consciousness, as a way of subtly (or not-so-subtly) distracting a person away from the silent meditative state, and back into the “surface drama” of the ego.

Distractions are frustrating. Here I am, trying to center my body and calm my mind and open up my heart and soul to the loving presence of God. And like having a picnic spoiled by ants, so nothing seems to be worse than having my silent time spoiled by all of my unruly thoughts!

Distractions can take many forms. Often they show up as worries or “shoulds” (“Gee, I better remember to send Mom her birthday card” or “Why am I sitting her meditating when I should be out there running? Gosh, I need to lose weight!”). Another common distraction is the excited thought, especially when something wonderful is going on in your life (“Oh, I didn’t think that cute guy I met at the food co-op would ever call, but he did last night — now what will I wear when I go out with him!”). And of course, distractions don’t have to be particularly dramatic or significant, they can be as humdrum and normal as thinking about your laundry or your dirty dishes!

The big challenge about distractions is that they tempt us to resist them–but that only increases their power. Like Br’er Rabbit fighting the Tar Baby, the more we resist our thoughts and imagination during contemplation, the more enmeshed in the ego mind we become. Even though they seem to spoil our silence and our time alone in meditation, our distractions will not go away through willful resistance. The only way to deal with distractions is to befriend them, and then let them go!

1. Befriend the distractions. Do not make them “w
rong.” Trust your ego, your surface mind, to be part of you and therefore your ally, not your enemy! When you are filled with distracting thoughts during silent prayer, it does not mean that you are “lazy” or “undisciplined.” It may mean that you need to get more sleep, or you need to share a thorny problem with your therapist, or simply that you need to take care of a chore you’ve been putting off! Trust your ego to share important information with you, don’t turn contemplation into a struggle between the “silent” you and the “talkative” you!

2. Let them go. The best way to do this is to have a notepad and pencil handy. That way you can make an agreement with yourself, that if you should happen to think of something so important that it must be documented, you have the means to do it. Then you can quickly make a note to yourself, and resume your breathing and sitting in silent, relaxed attentiveness. Of course, having the paper and pencil handy usually is all it takes for you to recognize that most of your distractions can simply be gently laid aside in your mind, with no repercussions whatsoever. Contemplative prayer actually helps the mind to function more efficiently, so a meditative state makes you less forgetful–all the more reason to let go of distractions, trusting your mind to remember what needs to be remembered.

Do not fight your mind doing what comes naturally. Simply allow thoughts and images to rise in your mind…. And then dissipate, returning you into the deeper silence. Remember, the purpose behind contemplative prayer is to rest in the presence of the loving Divine, not to “prove anything” to anyone. God loves a busy mind as much as God loves a still, calm mind. The important thing is to be there, sharing your mind with the mind of God. Your mind is not perfect, and so your prayer will never be perfect either.

One of the Spanish Carmelites — I can’t remember if it was Teresa of Avila or John of the Cross — once said that if a person is distracted 100 times during prayer, that’s 100 opportunities to show God our love by turning away from the distraction and back to the presence of the Divine. Remember this, and be gentle with yourself as you pray. 

peace, dwight

“I have learned that prayer is not asking for what you think you want

but asking to be changed in ways that you can’t imagine.”

– Kathleen Norris

One of the most common obstacles to developing a daily practice of contemplative prayer is the simple reality that most of us face: we’re too busy. Career, family, church or other spiritual communities, and various other commitments keep us on the go — sometimes eighteen hours a day, seven days a week. This constant rush rush rush is in itself a spiritual problem — we’re too busy doing to allow time for living — but one of the most obvious ways in which the busy-ness manifests as a problem is that it prevents us from praying, or meditating, or journaling, or any other healthy spiritual practice. Just as we eat too fast, not chewing our food properly and suffering from indigestion, so if we pray at all, we pray “on the run” and suffer from the “spiritual indigestion” of a sense of not being centered — in God, or in life.

How do we reverse this trend? How do we dig ourselves out from this hole that the hectic pace of postmodern living keeps us trapped in? How do we find time for the silence of contemplative prayer? Naturally, I cannot come up with a magic formula that will help every person become fully-fledged contemplatives — but I do have an idea that has proved useful for me, and I hope you will find it useful as well. The idea is what I call guerilla silence.

Guerilla silence means the practice of taking stolen moments, odd moments during the day, and consecrating them to God. If life seems to be too busy to take even ten minutes for contemplative practice, we in all likelihood can still find a minute here (at a traffic light) or two minutes there (while on hold on the telephone) — not perfect situations for deep, disciplined meditation, but perfectly useful times to remind ourselves that silence — the silence where we encounter the Sacred — is not something outside of ourselves, but truly something that wells up from deep within ourselves.

Here’s an exercise to try to “massage” your busy day, so that moments of silence can creep in:

1. Take a few quiet moments — perhaps early in the morning, or just before bed. Sit with pen and paper, and say a short prayer, consecrating these moments to the Divine.
2. Think of three or four common times during the day when you are waiting — stuck in traffic, waiting for a bus, waiting for the microwave to stop, or whatever. Write down when those moments occur in your life.
3. Write an affirmation. Use the following one, or come up with one in your own words. You may wish to make several copies of this affirmation, one for the dashboard of your car, one for your bathroom mirror, etc. “I allow the times during the day when I am waiting, or interrupted, or on hold, to be given to God — in silence, in openness, and in trust.”
4. Every morning, read the affirmation to yourself, and remind yourself of the times during the day when you will likely have a few “stolen moments” to give to the silence. At the end of each day, read the affirmation again, and review the day, celebrating the times you allowed silence to enter into your busy schedule.

Of course, there’s still the issue of the poorly chewed food. Guerilla silence is a transitional strategy for developing a discipline of contemplative prayer. The sad truth is that when we’re “too busy” to pray, what we’re not willing to admit to ourselves that prayer has not yet become a high priority in our lives. Often, a life too busy to pray may have time tied up in watching silly television shows, or flipping aimlessly through catalogs, or some other activity which might be let go of — once we feel truly, deeply drawn to the silence. Guerilla silence is a way to “get to know” silence, to discover the treasures of Divine love that wait for each of us there.

The good news is this: if we take the time to practice guerilla silence during those stolen and odd moments of the day, it’s amazing how quickly our lives open up — and we find that the ten or twenty minutes for disciplined silence is really available to us, after all!

peace, dwight

“The church, like Peter, is both a stumbling block and a cornerstone.  

It is the latter only when it is consciously contrite 

for being, and having been, the former.”

– Gil Baile

I can only provide a personal answer to this question.  

I am devoted to Christian spiritual direction, however, it is my conviction that:

1. To enter the spiritual life, a person needs to deeply plumb the depths of his or her chosen path, with integrity and fidelity and healthy/appropriate response,
2. The spiritual life requires good-will, dialogue, and a spirit of learning and appreciation between members/adherents of different traditions.

This plays out very specifically in my life. I am a Christian — a Post-Protestant Post-Evangelical, active in Quest, a Christ-commons in metro-Seattle. I am also committed to interfaith dialogue, and regularly participate in the practices of other traditions. I am especially indebted to Buddhism and Neo-paganism an Celtic faith as helpful guides in my own journey.

I know for some people this may raise deep and disturbing theological questions. I do not try to reconcile all the theological and philosophical differences between the different faiths I explore.  Rather, I seek learn from the strengths of each with the understanding that all truth is ultimately God’s truth.  I make it my goal to trust God to lead me to recognize spiritually valuable lessons and practices wherever I may find them.

I see no contradiction between loving Christ and learning from other traditions, as long as those traditions do not ask me to renounce my allegiance to Christ or to participate in any unjust or unloving behavior.

I believe that my sincere willingness to engage in dialogue differing traditions has strengthened my love for Christ and has deepened my Christian faith, making my faith more alive, more vibrant with a sense of God’s love and awe for Him.

So back to the question at hand. May people who do not define themselves as Christians explore the process of Spiritual Direction? The answer is yes. Spiritual Direction is for anyone who wishes to enter into a deepening, love-centered relationship with the Holy. So I’ve written these pages as a gift to all people, Christian and others alike. For Christians, it will have the familiarity of their home path. For those of other traditions, I hope these pages will speak to Divine love in a way that is useful and applicable to spirituality in a universal and inclusive way — and I hope “non-Christians” will appreciate learning about a beautiful aspect of Christianity.

I offer this introduction to Spiritual Direction with no attempt to “water it down” or to make it less Christian. It’s a Christian process, arising out of the beauty of two thousand years of mystical and contemplative tradition. Many people have been wounded by Christianity, and those persons may find the Christ-language in this web-site threatening. I am sorry, and I wish healing for all who have been abused by unloving Christians. Watering down this introduction to Spiritual Direction would not necessarily help persons wounded by Christianity find what they really need, which is a way to connect to Divine healing that works for them — whether that connection is Christian or not.

I know that Christ is the God of Love, and I offer this specifically Christian process to all who are able to discern the love within — whether their home path is Christianity, or some other tradition devoted to the heart of Divine Love.

All are welcome here!

peace, dwight

“The real voyage of discovery lies not in seeking new lands 

but in seeing with new eyes.”

– Marcel Proust

One session every three to four weeks is normal with, and a duration of six months to a year or longer is not uncommon.

Some directees have chosen to set meetings on an “as needed” basis.  The question is what do you sense you need at this time?

peace, dwight

Growth as a child of God; how is it measured? 
 

One of the metaphors left in the wake of the modern church is the metaphor of the steady, uphill climb.  It’s the idea that though the way is rocky and often challenging, a “successful Christian life” is marked by movement up the hill.  Mapped on a bar graph we would see many ups and downs, but as a whole there would be definite movement upward.  Sound familiar?  

The central problem with this metaphor is that it is our progress that seems praise worthy.  The higher our climb, the better we feel about ourselves and our time with God becomes a type of “spiritual self-actualization.”   

We measure our spiritual progress by counting the steps we’ve taken toward and away from God, and take for granted that, in the big picture, we’re always getting closer to God.  Yes, we worship God but if we were honest with ourselves we’d have to admit our own development is right up there.   

In this metaphor God becomes the destination, while the journey is left largely in our individualistic hands.  

Allow me to propose another metaphor, (I would greatly appreciate feedback as to its soundness).  Rather than a steady uphill climb to our destination (God), I propose we think of our journey with God as a dance.  

In this dance God is the central character, for God is the one standing on the dance floor with an outstretched hand of invitation awaiting our response.  God is not a “one day” destination but our ever-present partner; dipping, leading, spinning, and wooing.  The safest place for the dancer to be is in the arms of God.  Struggles, difficulties, pain, joy, delight – these are just some of the many tunes God leads us to dance through.  And as long as we abide in his embrace it really doesn’t matter what the tempo is because we dance together.  We are the Beloved’s and God is ours.

And so the question remains.  How does a follower of Christ measure growth?  My answer: we can’t.  If that’s our question than we’re asking the w
rong one.  I don’t measure growth in my relationship with my wife.  If my relationship with my wife endures the stuff of life, we depend on each other, and we make it though life together then we’ve been successful.  It is not that we don’t sometimes take a step back and celebrate God’s work in our life, but our focus is praise to God and not a scorecard of our points.   So it is with God.  Living life in dependence on God, and doing so until God takes us home. 

The dance of dependence; Jesus called it abiding.  Christ made it clear that the fruit is out of the hands of his followers.  Our only responsibility is to abide – to keep dancing – to stay close; God will do the rest, God will lead, God will aid our development, God will produce the fruit.  Just don’t walk away, cut yourself off, or go looking for a different partner.  Our desire to see the fruit is a reflection of our desire to exalt ourselves. 

peace, dwight